My focus word for 2009...

Discipline. (yawn) It's not too exciting, is it? But when I look back on where I've been, where I've ended up, and what I could have achieved, I've realized that this one element is key - not just in my art life, but in every single area of my life.

Friends who know me well will be amused, because discipline has never been a strength of mine. I prefer to base my actions on whatever I feel like doing at the moment. I love being flexible and spontaneous, not rigid and calculated. Being a "stay at home mom" has been like winning the lottery for me, because no one tells me what or when to do anything, I plan my days according to whatever I feel like doing.

But, this freedom has its downfalls, and God has been kindly pointing out some glaring deficiencies in my life over the past year, all of which involve my having great difficulty saying "no" to myself, and yes to something that would be a wiser, or more unselfish use of my time.

The most glaring area of my life that lacks discipline involves my use of time - especially in relation to the Internet. I love, love, love, checking my email. I love reading blogs, too many blogs. I love checking out CNN, USA today, Fox News, the Weather Channel, Lifehacker, ebay, MSNBC...the list could go on and on (and some days it does). I need to wrestle with myself and come up with a workable way to be more disciplined in my use of the internet - the amount of time I could free up would be huge.

I really love myself, and love giving myself whatever I want at the moment. Another snack? Sure. A free afternoon? No problem, you can fill that order and do the laundry tomorrow. That growing pile of bookwork? It can wait, and besides it's so boring so go ahead and ignore it another week or so...

Basically I divide my life up into these five areas: spiritual (my relationship with God), family, home(and garden), others (church, friends, etc), Elizabeth's Flowers (my art and online businesses). Each of these areas would benefit greatly from me saying "no" to myself, and my whims, and "yes" to whatever would help me achieve my goals in these areas.

I do foresee one major problem with my quest to become more disciplined. What will motivate me enough to override my long ingrained natural tendencies? The newness of the challenge might for awhile...but what about during the long haul? Do I even have a chance at becoming more disciplined consistently? Knowing me, and my track record, my answer would have to be no. Not in and of myself. I don't have enough "will power". But, while reading a blog this morning (there I go again), I came across the answer. I need to love someone else more than me. I'm going to give this a try.